YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH BOTTLES (a poem)
When a new baby arrives
there is so much to know
So much to learn, to feel
You'll change and you'll grow
But there is one thing that is whispered
One thing that is secret
Only the pros know it
But I will reveal it:
"You can never have enough bottles"
They may fill a cabinet or perhaps just a drawer
If you told me you had a closet full, I'd still say "buy more!"
You might have a dozen, you could say you have a hundred
But, no matter what your budget, I can tell it's underfunded
You'll walk through the aisles of Target and your wife will reach for the shelf
That holds the baby bottles, "Look! This one has an elf!"
You'll roll your eyes and tell her this desire must be throttled
But, I can tell you now, my friend, "You can never have enough bottles."
She'll be browsing on Amazon and come across a great deal
You'll turn off her computer and explain to her with zeal
"We've got enough for now, let's not get in a squabble."
But, you've forgotten what I taught, "You can never have enough bottles."
A good friend will arrive, holding a gift for you and the new child
You'll pray that it is wine, but wife's pregnant, so let's not get too wild
You'll open the present and your expectations will be toppled
For, your friend knows the truth, "You can never have enough bottles."
You might laugh now, but I assure you it's true
You should purchase enough to fill a B52
And even that might not be enough to last on some days
Or on that one night that you awake in a sleepy haze
And stumble towards your baby, who cries out to be fed
You'll feel around, helpless, with an encroaching sense of dread
In that moment you'll know, all along, I was right
I tried to tell you, sir or miss, not to put up any fights
It's a lesson to be learned early, you can avoid the whole debacle
Get it through your gosh-darn head, "You can never have enough bottles."
Above is a link to my son's favorite bottles.